Today, I once again made the decision to deactivate my Facebook. I have been pretty (super) depressed lately. One of the most hurtful things in my life is Facebook. I use it as a way to sink deeper into my depression. I do this by intently comparing my life to the life of every single one of my friends on my Facebook account. Some of the time I think my life is better than those on my friends list and I give myself bragging rights; other times I think my friends lives are super duper awesome and beautiful and I feel utterly horrible about myself. Either way, this sin in my life has just got to end. I have always compared myself to others, ever since I was a little girl. Most of the time, it was to put myself down. All of these things are no good. I am choosing, now, to be good. To eliminate one of the most toxic things in my life. That my friends is Facebook. I love all my friends and Facebook makes me hate them (SO NOT COOL).
I wrote a lil haiku about my relationship with Facebook (these feelings are real my friends and haikus are hard to write)! Grumpy and jealous She sat on Facebook awhile Mad, sad, and angry Breathe deep, she had tried She watched friends fade far away God's got it she thought Letting go of self Thus, she bid Facebook adieu Back she is from sin.
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I love more than anything to trave and eexperience different cultures. A few months ago I traveled to New York to visit one of my really good friends, Kate! It is so grand to have friends all over this beautiful world. Here's a lil clip from trip to the Big Apple. I learned a lot there and had some fun too :) Enjoy! So thankful that God has reminded me the past 6 months that I'm not forgotten by my dearest friends from college. My Jesus loving, kind-hearted, adventure driven friends still care for me. Although it has been excruciatingly hard to be apart from these friends of mine God has reminded me that they have not forgotten about me. I cherish so much the friendships that have clung to me over these past five years.
These past couple of days have been really hard for America, what with all the gun violence and racial discrimination. Thus, I have been reminded of Urbana, my heart for the persecuted and persecutor, and what I want life to be like here on Earth. My heart is so broken for all the things of this world. I think it is time we are reminded of how to love others well. How to care for those who are discriminated against. And how to work are hardest to put an end to this racial tension. I've also been reminded of God's unending love for me. Through the youth in my community, that I have been faithfully serving the past few months. They have been reminding me how much our Father truly loves us. Whether you come from a background of hurt and neglect or you come from a place of joy and triumph, God still loves us all the same. This past week the youth pastor, Brock, gave a message on "Loving Our Enemies" man does this ever resonate with me today. One of the hardest decisions we have in this world is to choose to love someone who does not love us. It is never easy to love someone who does not love us but I think it is time for us to start. Loving our enemies is so important. Even Jesus ate with the Tax Collector, when everyone thought He was nuts. Let's do the same. The job hunt that is.
The past two weeks or so I have been avidly committed to tweaking my resume and cover letter, searching with intent for a job, and praying praying praying that God gets me through this. I have never been so intentional about job searching in my life. This past week God has given me a different perspective on job searching though. He has shown me the true joy in searching for a possible career. Yes, career. Not just a willy nilly job that I can have for a few months then get sick of and quit and start new. He is gifting me with opportunities to find something different in a career. Which has been super hard. If you didn't know I have always dreamed about being a math teacher, ever since I can remember that is what I wanted to be. I have wanted so badly to teach students math it is kind of ridiculous. After years in college studying mathematics and education and various other things, I have realized that maybe teaching is only what I want and not what God wants. So, I decided to graduate without my teaching license and pursue the workforce. It has been hard, yes, and many tears have been shed, but I truly feel God has other things in store for me. As stubborn I have been through this whole process God has worked with my distress and shown me my true passions. It's been a thrilling experience to allow God to simply lead me wherever and whatever He has in store for me. I still don't quite know and at times it terrifies me but I will always trust my Creator has a beautifully designed plan for me. Yes, Kates! God literally gave me Kates. As best friends. As confidants. As Heroes. As Adventure Buddies. As Acquaintances. As Dogs. I'm not sure why but God gifted me with Kates. Here are the many Kates in my life: Now, I know what you're thinking. 'Cassie, there are only 7 Kates here. How is that a lot of Kates?' Well, each of these ladies has truly affected my life and it just so happened to be that their names were Kate. I actually have more friends that have been named Kate that have come and gone throughout my short 23 years of life. I feel like God gave me people named Kate so I would know He is here, if that makes any sense at all. All of these people have met me at totally different times in my life. Some of the times I didn't even know Jesus and they walked alongside me anyway. They have been with me through life and that is why I want to show my appreciation to all the Kates in my life. Whether you are a Kate, Kaithlyn, Katherine, Caitlyn, Kat, or Snuffleupagus I appreciate you, so much. <3
Hey! So, if you didn't know, for the past 4 months or so I have been subbing in 5 school districts in the southern Minnesota area as a paraprofessional.
Some of you may be wondering what a paraprofessional is, well it can be several different things actually. I am a: classroom aide special education helper lunchroom aide media center extraordinaire. social butterfly math tutor book reader hug giver advise giver life coach. I think you get the picture. HA. I do a lot of things. Everyday is different, and I love it! I love working in the schools everyday. It's who I am. It's who I am supposed to be, I know that. I just want to share with ya'll some of my most treasured experiences I've had in these 4 short months of subbing for these amazing schools in Southern Minnesota. Top 10 experiences as a paraprofessional:
What does it mean to be missional?
Is it even possible? Do I have to go to some country far away? Does being missional mean I have to be a missionary? I have been asking myself these questions for the past 4 months since I returned from a missions conference in St. Louis. Yes, I have thought about being a missionary (like the kind that travel far distances) for quite some time now. I feel God drawing me into a community that is different from my own and challenges me to see the bigger picture, being God. Not just in my own life but in all of the lives around me. I want to be missional. Now, I'm sure you may be asking, 'well, what does that exactly mean?' I'm glad you asked because there are many ways that I interpret it. I feel God drawing me to be a missionary for His Word. A disciple for His people. A follower of Christ by action and not necessarily by voice. A silent but enthusiastic follower of Jesus shown through the choices I make in my own life. A loud and instructive individual, whom understands the Gospel and is willing to share it. A lover of the L O R D. These things, to me, are what make my life missional. It gives me purpose to spread the Good News of Jesus and go through the hardships that come along with, sometimes. Life, actively seeking the Lord, is not easy and I really don't think it is supposed to be. Even something as vague as Wikipedia describes missional living as 'the adoption of the posture, thinking, behaviors, and practices of a missionary in order to engage others with the gospel message.' That's how I want to live. With the posture, thinking, behavior, and practice of living for the message of the gospel. Wouldn't it be rad if all Christians lived that way. As we are called to. I want to. I want to live as if I am a missionary, preaching the gospel everyday, in a underdeveloped country. Because don't you think, even though we are in a country as privileged as the USA that there is growth to be had. There is still much change to be made, my friends, and I only believe change is possible through Jesus Christ. Through the power and grace of the Gospel, change is possible. So, I challenge you, to be missional. Everyday. To know the Gospel and share it well. Hello dearest friends that have been hoping for a post sometime from me. HA well here it is, finally :)
I have been a little MIA lately and let me tell ya why. Because I have not been the happiest of campers and I have not felt much joy in the past month or so. No excuse for not being real with my readers, I know that. I am working on being real. I used to think being real and wearing my heart on my sleeve was something that I was good at. Now, I'm not so sure. There is one thing I am absolutely, positively sure of, though, and that my friends is Jesus' unfathomable love for me and presence in my life. God is constantly reminding me that there is joy in the morning. A really great song that my church has been singing lately has the lyrics, "Though there is pain in the night, there is JOY in the morning." Man is that quote so true in my life. (disclaimer: I have literally tried searching 1000 times to find this song online but I can't find it, so if you do - send me the link. lol) My nights are hard. I come home after working with students all day (some better than others) and feel exhausted. I come home after working with students all day and feel like I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. I come home and feel empty. I come home and get treated poorly and watch people I love get treated horribly. I come home from working all day and watch too much Netflix and don't read enough of my Bible. I come home to sorrow and emptiness. I come home and sit in my room until I go to bed. Silence. Defeat. Pain. There is pain in the night. So much pain from all that I have been feeling that day. I don't even know where it comes from to be honest. I have a good life. I shouldn't be in this much pain. Then, God whispers in my ear, several a times, "Cassie, I love you and I am here." GOD IS HERE! He is present and He is NEVER leaving me!! That is one of the most affirming things I can remind myself and I have. Even on the darkest of days, God is there. The Lord has been teaching me that life on this Earth may not be easy and there may be pain in the night but there is JOY in the morning! The pain may be there but God can, and will, erase it! He says it is finished and He makes me complete. I know this to be true through the people God has blessed me with. like... ...Lynita who calls me to make sure I'm doing alright. ...my sister, Mir, who makes me laugh and forget about the crappy situations. ...Alexi who remembers my birthday and wishes me well a week in advance. ...Claire who constantly shows me an example of what it looks like to make decisions with Christ and for Christ, not against Him. ...Cory who understands what I'm going through and loves me well. ...The women at Sisterhood who pray for me and continue to lift me up when I'm feeling down. ...Samantha who loves me well and welcomes me into the community of River Valley ...my brother, Luke, who cries with me when things are tough because he genuinely cares for me. ...both of the Jasons who are always there for me if I need them. ...Katie, my dog, who comforts me when I am sad. So what I am trying to say is that although there is pain in our lives we should not let it consume us. Easier said than done, I know. One thing I have been telling myself everyday is that God's love for me is more than I can imagine and definitely makes up for all of the hate and destruction of this world. Our world is broken but aren't we all. I sure know that I am broken but don't you think it is time to start letting God heal me and all of us. God can heal even the most broken of hearts my friends. It's time to let Him in and let Him do what He does best - love us. I cry a lot.
I miss community. I hate living at home, like more than I've every hated anything. I really like 4th graders, they are a fun group. I like running but don't do it enough. I think the truth hurts and that is why people hide it. I don't like fighting with anyone, it's too hurtful for me. I want to visit my friend Kate in New York (fingers crossed, sooner rather than later). Life is weird. I think it would be cool to float in the air. God is TRUTH. God is light. God is good in my life and so constant. I am Righteous! in the Lord, of course. I am valuable. I am precious. |
Let us Seek the Grandest Adventures Together my Friend.
I heard the roar of the lion of Judah Archives
June 2017
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