Discovering a new dream that may or may not come true.
~ Thinking of a dear friend who has passed on. I can't get him back and I wish I could. I wish life didn't end sometimes. I wish he was still here. I want him to be living and sitting next to me in math, sleeping. I miss him. Is it wrong for me to care this much? I mean were we even that close? I don't know. I just wish I could have saved him. I wish I could have grabbed him from that bridge and pulled him back over. But who is to say that would have worked? Who is to say? I, cannot change what has happened. I cannot change the fact that my friend is gone. ~ But what can I change? Can I change my sensitivity towards the subject. Can I become more involved? Can I be more like Jesus? I don't think I will ever have an answer to these questions. I say I love Christ and I live for Him but is it proven in my actions? I feel weak all the time. I feel struck down. I feel like there is no-one to blame but myself. I want to know God more, I do, but my actions speak louder than words. ~ What are my actions saying? Who is to say. My weakness is definitely not fading, and yes, I feel ashamed. I feel ashamed for what I have become, at times it's good and life is looking up. but recently I feel like the dust in my soul is hard to shake off. I am dirty and broken. A sinner in this world. Thinking of who I am and what I am doing here hasn't spoken to me in a while. ~ I am . a sinner. Although I know I am forgiven by Jesus Christ I don't believe it's true. How could one man go through all of that torture for me? How could He do that. It would have been much easier to take the easy way out and tell them He was not God. But something I learned this week about Jesus is His honesty. I learned that there is no point to lie in life. We do it on the daily and yet we call ourselves Christians. Lying, comes so easy to us all. Why? Why is it so easy for me to lie when I know how truthful Jesus was and is. All Jesus did on this very day was tell the truth. He told the chief priests and teachers of the law he was God, and they didn't believe Him. Why is it also that when we tell the truth we are struck down? Why is it in the sinful world we live in honesty is not looking upon as a good thing but of a cowardice thing? I still sadly don't know the answer to that.
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There are things we, as humans, hold on to in life that just needs to be given up. God has been showing me a lot lately that there are a lot of things that I squeeze so tight and never want to let go. They are pointless things. They are meaningless things. They are destructive things. They are hurtful things. They are just that. Things. These things that we hold on to and never want to let go will not take us anywhere but hold us back. I see people around me struggle with this too. Why do we need these things? Why do we hold onto them? Why don't we just throw them out, we know they are not life giving but life sucking? I am guilty of doing this everyday and I am not sure why. I just want to keep things I don't need, like that extra cookie at dinner time or that pair of jeans I never wear anymore and don't fit me or that sin that comes into my life and sucks me dry of air and life. Why do we do these things? I am still trying to figure that out myself. I am trying to become new again, everyday. But, why is it so hard to be a Jesus seeker in the world? I am struck down constantly by sin in the media, in the friends I share my life experiences with, in my relationships. Sin has been an infestation in my life and I know the things I do are wrong and hurtful to my body and others and my spiritual being. So, why do I continue to fall short and sin?
Here is the kicker my friends. We will never measure up to what Jesus has done for us on that cross; for those of you who are not Christians or are Christians but not are not seeking Jesus, I have very good news for you. Give up your life, struggles, lust, fowl language, drama, hate, anything that has been holding you back, to JESUS. Tell Him what is going on with you. He has the answers! Even though I have felt like crap at times and felt like I didn't have anything to live for I went to Him and he told me it was going to be alright. God has a plan for all of us and if we don't have Jesus/God in our life then our path is going to be on a curvy dirt road in the middle of nowhere and will be meaningless. As my education professor said to be earlier this semester: "Cassie, you know what? Life sucks, the world is very corrupt and it is not easy to live in. But, also know this, with Jesus anything is possible and life doesn't have to suck when you have Him in your life. I just don't know how people live without Jesus in their lives because yes, life sucks, and we can only make it better by giving all the crap in our suckish lives to Jesus." -not an exact quote but this is what she said to me when I was having a rough time with living. I have been realizing a lot lately that time really should be valued.
Time on Earth. My time on Earth is limited and sometimes I forget that. My actions affect time here on Earth. I have to consider my actions and grow from the bad ones I take. I have learned recently that time is very limited and that we must use it well. None of us will be on Earth forever and I think it is good to think of that sometimes, no, not every day but just at times when it is needed. To humble ourselves. To grow closer to God, knowing He is the only one who can make us live forever. ~just a thought I had this fine APRIL morning. (one month till my birthday(: how exciting!) |
Let us Seek the Grandest Adventures Together my Friend.
I heard the roar of the lion of Judah Archives
June 2017
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