Discovering a new dream that may or may not come true.
~ Thinking of a dear friend who has passed on. I can't get him back and I wish I could. I wish life didn't end sometimes. I wish he was still here. I want him to be living and sitting next to me in math, sleeping. I miss him. Is it wrong for me to care this much? I mean were we even that close? I don't know. I just wish I could have saved him. I wish I could have grabbed him from that bridge and pulled him back over. But who is to say that would have worked? Who is to say? I, cannot change what has happened. I cannot change the fact that my friend is gone. ~ But what can I change? Can I change my sensitivity towards the subject. Can I become more involved? Can I be more like Jesus? I don't think I will ever have an answer to these questions. I say I love Christ and I live for Him but is it proven in my actions? I feel weak all the time. I feel struck down. I feel like there is no-one to blame but myself. I want to know God more, I do, but my actions speak louder than words. ~ What are my actions saying? Who is to say. My weakness is definitely not fading, and yes, I feel ashamed. I feel ashamed for what I have become, at times it's good and life is looking up. but recently I feel like the dust in my soul is hard to shake off. I am dirty and broken. A sinner in this world. Thinking of who I am and what I am doing here hasn't spoken to me in a while. ~ I am . a sinner. Although I know I am forgiven by Jesus Christ I don't believe it's true. How could one man go through all of that torture for me? How could He do that. It would have been much easier to take the easy way out and tell them He was not God. But something I learned this week about Jesus is His honesty. I learned that there is no point to lie in life. We do it on the daily and yet we call ourselves Christians. Lying, comes so easy to us all. Why? Why is it so easy for me to lie when I know how truthful Jesus was and is. All Jesus did on this very day was tell the truth. He told the chief priests and teachers of the law he was God, and they didn't believe Him. Why is it also that when we tell the truth we are struck down? Why is it in the sinful world we live in honesty is not looking upon as a good thing but of a cowardice thing? I still sadly don't know the answer to that.
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I heard the roar of the lion of Judah Archives
June 2017
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