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I feel like we all have those moments when we realize we don't really know what we are looking for; whether that be in a companion or a friend, or a TV series really. We just don't have confidence that what we are getting is what we actually want or are searching for. I struggle with this a lot actually. I don't ever know what I want. I am really indecisive and say things like, "I don't care," when in reality I do care. I care a lot actually. I care about who I am forming relationships with and who I am not forming relationships with. I care about what I wear and what I watch on TV. I just try not to show it. I try to play it cool like I could care less about what people think of me. Not true in the slightest. I care too much sometimes that I hide it. I hide the fact that I care so much. I question myself often with things like, "Should I really care about this negative relationship I am getting myself into?" Yes, I probably should. I should put effort into things but not when they cause me to sin. I am finding out more and more that some relationships I get myself into are formed in bad places and situations. I just never know how to stop them. How do you tell someone you can't be close with them because they cause you to sin, when you have been sinning along with them for years. This concept is still so new to me but I've realized more and more that as my relationship with Jesus grows closer my relationships with those who cause me to sin and hurt my relationship with Jesus grows farther apart. Sometimes it is hard facing this reality. Of course I love the people I surround myself with, always. I tend to be a very loving person. But sometimes it's not about me, it's about what I'm searching for and right now I am searching for God with my whole heart. God is number one in my life and sometimes I need to be reminded of that.
"And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell." Matt 5:30 Man there are so many things I could say about the past year. 2014 was definitely a year to remember. One of the best so far I would say and they just keep on getting better. As time goes on my love grows deeper for Jesus. I become more aware of who I am as a young woman living my life for Him. This past year was hard. I cried a lot. I, also, loved a lot. I learned what it truly means to dive into friendship with my whole heart. This past year I learned to just be myself. I am quirky. I am weird. I like to laugh. But I am also a lover of the light that Christ has blessed me with. I learned what it means to make that known to those I love. I am learning to dig deep into my inner emotions and rely on God more and more each day. No, I am far from finished learning about my Father but I do wish to continue to dig deep into His Word for answers. I am overwhelmed with the about of joy and love Christ has given me in 2014. There are so many memories that were made last year. I was called to give up a lot of toxic relationships in my life that were just meaningless. I realized that I am who I am today because Christ allowed me to give up things I was really holding onto. I thought if He could give up His entire life for me then I could give up some of my bad habits and relationships as well. Christ saved me from destruction and continues to save me from what I once thought was "living". Each day I pray God continues to show me who I really am. As time passes, another year has come and gone, and I am thankful and grateful for the life God has given me to actually live. What a blessing to be in Father's presence, every single day of my life.
He Is Greater! |
Let us Seek the Grandest Adventures Together my Friend.
I heard the roar of the lion of Judah Archives
June 2017
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