God has given me so many great opportunities this summer. It has been such a life giving summer and I am on a life high well that was until tonight. I have had ample opportunities this summer to tell people how much they mean to me and I haven't done it, and I leave for school tomorrow and I really hope I didn't miss my chance. I guess I just shy away sometimes and assume they will tell me first then it will be "acceptable" for me to tell them how I feel. I'm realizing more and more how bad I am with feelings and letting others know exactly how I feel. It is really important to me that I wear my heart on my sleeve because that has been something I have been known to do in my life but recently I haven't been showing enough of my feelings that are there. I guess I am afraid of being rejected because I have been rejected countless times and hurt by a lot of people. I don't want to feel alone. I know what I'm feeling at this moment, which is something I haven't always been able to say. I know how I feel so shouldn't I just say it.
God, why do I feel so weak in your presence. When I know something is good in my life, I always push it away. Why, oh why, do I constantly push away things that make me happy and bring me joy?
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I have been experiencing lately that the Bible never ends. It may be a book that, yes, you can read from cover to cover but my friends it never really ends. Now, you may be asking, what do you mean by it is a book that never ends. Well, you can read the Bible a gagillion bazillion (yes, I'm a kid) times and always get something different out of it. This book is so sacred and mysterious all at the same time it is kind of ridiculous and so awesome. I love reading verses/chapters in the bible again and again because I always get something different out of them each and every time I read; it definitely makes for one complex and intriguing book that is for sure. Unlike The Fault In Our Stars by John Green, which is a really great book don't get me wrong, the Bible has so much more depth to it and sometimes it doesn't necessarily need to be understood word-for-word. I love taking a dive into the Bible at the weirdest moments too because I never know what I am going to take from the passage I read. So, I encourage you my dear friends to keep reading and dissecting chunks upon chunks of the Bible so that you too can experience a story that we, as humans, have the privilege of interpreting in so many different and unique ways.
There have been so many cool and beautiful things in my life that just really have been placed on my heart recently. I have been given so many opportunities to pray for people and relationship with them it is kind of ridiculous (in a good way of course). God really has lit a fire in my soul and I love that I can't really control it sometimes and then just end up spouting biblical things to people, it's kind of great. I really enjoy praying out loud now. Wow, never thought I would say that, but it's true, I love praying for my city and home that it will be renewed and changed. My city doesn't have the best rep around these parts and it has been hard at times to stay positive while home for the summer, but I know my God is good and very loving//comforting in times of need.
Prayer works, my friends, and that is something to always keep in mind. Whether it be praying for big change in the world or little change in your own personal struggle, prayer works. I have had the opportunity this summer to pray a ton for the Somali people living in my community. When I pray for them and their salvation I think a lot about how they came to this country, and my community, for freedom because they had none in there own. I pray change in their homeland that the fighting and murder stops. I ask God a lot to bless them and let them know they are loved by Him. People don't really realize how good we have it in our country, we can practice any religion we want and are free to express ourselves in any way we choose. God has also put it on my heart to travel the roads less traveled and think about my life's purpose as well. That hasn't been the easiest for me especially when I've been battling some demons for quite some time. There are just some things in life I'm still unsure about and that is perfectly alright because God knows me and my heart and that is all that matters. I am happy, and it has been awhile since I have been this happy. My happiness has been due to the people I have been surrounding myself with lately. They are some of the most encouraging and loving people. I am so thankful for them and their ability to live life with me. God knew I was struggling and He gave me an army to stand with me and against the devil. Man, there is nothing I am more thankful for than that right now. There have been some things I have been learning recently that I'd like to share with ya'll. Although these past couple months have been hard being away from my home in EC, I have been learning a lot about who I really am and who I tend to pretend to be:
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I heard the roar of the lion of Judah Archives
June 2017
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