I've been really bitter lately about my friendships and that really stinks. I feel like a whinny brat most of the time because I don't feel like anyone wants to be my friend. All I do is put out effort after effort to get together with my friends or even talk to them with barely a response. It's really exhausting always putting myself out there. I am continually trying to pour into these friendships that don't really exist anymore. I don't even know why that is. Why don't people want to hang out with me? What is wrong with me? Probably nothing but then I've been sinking into the feeling that something is wrong with me, as always. Why do I do that? I know my identity in Christ and I know He thinks much differently about me than I think about myself. I've really been struggling to find friends and keep them, my whole life, actually.
That's all I have for you guys. Sorry I'm being a big crab. I hope God teaches me something from this feeling of inadequacy. Also, I might go MIA on social media again. I've been intensely comparing myself to others and their friendships and having pretty bad FOMO (lol I'm a teen).
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Life lately has been a bag of sunshine tied with a beautiful bow. I have enjoyed every part of this beautiful weather, from the sun on my skin to the long skirts I, now, can wear. It has made me happy knowing there are seasons in the year. I try my hardest to enjoy every little part that each one of them gives. Like spring, that gives me my birthday and a ton of my friends birthdays. I love celebrating life and spring is a time of regrowth and blossoming. My favorite part about spring is walking by huge lilac bushes and taking a big whiff. Man, they smell so freaking good. HA. I smell them often when I am running. I run by probably 10 of them at least. These are the things that bring me joy, my friends.
Also, the ability to listen to God in the calmness of sitting outside with birds chirping brings me peace. God has been speaking to me a lot this week and helping me to align my passions with His own. I think one of the hardest things for me in this time of life is learning that I am not right about a lot of things and just dealing with that in the best way possible. God is right and I must listen. So that is what I have been trying really hard to do. I faced a really difficult decision this week and came to a realization today. About a week ago I met with the varsity dance coach about a job as the JV coach next year (something I have wanted for 6 years). I have always wanted to coach dance and I thought this was a great opportunity. So, I met with the coach to discuss coming on for the season next year as the head coach. I've been feeling kind of unsettled about this decision all week and I have been upset and asking God why. Why would I feel as if I didn't want to coach after wanting it this long. Why would I have a heavy heart making this decision when I've always wanted this. Well, today God spoke to me and told me, No. I asked Him if I was supposed to coach dance next year and He said NO. I wasn't even confused about it really He just told me No so I said, "okay." I am choosing to listen to my creator because He definitely has something else in store for me. He is calling me into other things in my life and now I can move on from my past. Dance for me has been a great experience and I wouldn't trade those 15 years of my life for anything but God wants me to move forward and I'm so glad I listened. I have no idea what the future holds next year for me but I know that listening to God is the most important. |
Let us Seek the Grandest Adventures Together my Friend.
I heard the roar of the lion of Judah Archives
June 2017
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