The flowers you don't want to get but get anyway:
They smell good. They look good. They might even taste good. This week has been a week of flowers. I received flowers from my dear friend Alexi, that didn't smell or taste, that I'm aware of lol. but they did look so good. They were the kind of flowers I wanted to get. The ones that I wasn't expecting and didn't even know how to respond to but they were just what I needed at that time. She gifted me with exactly what I needed, when I needed, not that she knew that or anything but I think that is the beauty of getting flowers you need. It shows that God is gifting us with big and beautiful flowers that we need and sometime even gives us flowers we don't want. Recently one of my dear friends received flowers she did not want. These flowers smelled good and looked good. They were everything great about big luscious flowers but they were not flowers she needed or wanted. They were hurtful flowers used to torment her and make her feel guilty for her Godly actions. I watched this friend struggle to find the words to make these flowers, "okay". But sometimes we get flowers we don't want and really don't need. Is this okay? no, I don't really think so. I think this is meant to test our faith. Whether we run to the unneeded flowers or not, that is what could make or break our faith. If we are constantly wanting to receive flowers we don't need, is that really okay? NO. It's not. Flowers are needed in our lives to help us blossom but when they wilt, they will still just be flowers and they are no longer necessary. Let the wilted flowers go my friends.
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Lately I have been feeling God's presence through whatever I am doing. My life has been sort of crazy lately and I haven't really known how to deal with it but God has reminded me to come to Him in these times. I am thankful to have people in my life who draw me to Him as well. I constantly am seeing a difference in my attitude when I choose Him over silly things like Netflix (I know, I know I do that too often). In reality God is in everything I do these days and I love that. Today reminded me so much of how much God has given me in the last year. Today I was given a choice to skip bible study and go to an awesome math reunion but then I felt super convicted about it and decided to choose Jesus (bible study). I have committed to leading a bible study so I think that is just what I have to do. Lead with my whole heart, not just half ass it (excuse my language). Seriously though, lately all I have been doing is giving things half of my time and effort. It can really be a struggle giving someone your all when you are busy and perhaps have things you could be doing but not anymore! I want to be there for people who are in need because HELLO they NEED me (or maybe they don't but they need Jesus - that's for sure). So, I better start trying and perhaps failing but nonetheless trying to seek God through actually caring again. This brings me to tonight where my dear roommate, Leah, said to me as she was leaving, "I'm praying for you, always." Oh man did that just touch my heart you guys and all night I have felt that, even though she is not in the room I know she is thinking of me. That is what makes me feel again. Being reminded of people deeply caring for me is always needed, no matter who you are, we need to be reminded of our worth. I love that.
Hey ya'll, so I have realized that I have truly been neglecting my blog lately, silly me.
I have really been up to so much this past month or so it is kinda ridiculous. I have found out that I am graduating in 2 short months which definitely caught me by surprise. I am not quite sure yet if it is a good thing or a bad thing but I am excited for the adventure God has in store for me. So, I guess let's back up a little bit to the start of the school year: 1st week of SUPER senior year - move in, humidity, dorm room, yellowstone story telling, neglecting God, education school, studying how to be a teacher, studying for my PRAXIS II - Math Content Knowledge, running into some pals whom I've missed dearly, lotsa homework, reuniting with aBa, longboarding adventures by my lonesome because Alexi is not here. 2nd week - stress induced depression like symptoms and not understanding why, NSO - new student outreach, lotsa intervarsity stuff, again neglecting God, trying not to tell anymore yellowstone stories, visits from Alexi <3 , listening to Cory and how she is interacting with girls in her study, more PRAXIS II studying, Racy's dates, talks with Jenna and more longboarding. 3rd week - depression worsens and I find myself trapped from reality only going through the motions, neglecting God even more, spending less time studying and more time sleeping, hanging with no-one at any time, Reason for all of this: I took my PRAXIS II and failed it. (side note: the praxis test determines if I move on in the education program i.e. if one doesn't pass this test they cannot student teach meaning they cannot get certified to teach.) #IWASPRETTYBUMMED 4th week - sadness: I miss my friends from Yellowstone, I'm not sure when I am going to see them again, I don't know what I'm going to do with my life now that I didn't pass my test, meetings with advisers to discuss the future, deciding to graduate early without certificate, getting angry with God, not understanding God's plan for my life, meetings/revelations with Jenna (what a treat she is), getting out of this funk. ......(don't ask me how all that happened in a week, i'm not really sure, but it did) And folks, that brings us to today. Where I am realizing how to tell God how I feel, even though He already knows. He wants me to talk to Him and lemme tell ya how comforting that is to know. I may not know what the future brings but come December I will have a bachelors degree in Math teaching and I know God will use me. Whether or not I know how, I need to trust that. My prayer for you, is that you allow God to use you too. He will use us for great things, if we let Him. |
Let us Seek the Grandest Adventures Together my Friend.
I heard the roar of the lion of Judah Archives
June 2017
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