Anna Red is a wonderful woman who I look up to very much. Although she is only months older than me I still look up to this lady and she has been a great influence in my life. She has taught me so many things about God and what it means to walk with Christ instead of walking away from Him. I have grown so close to God through her and I am quite glad we are friends. Anna has never been afraid to tell me what I need to hear rather than what I want to hear. Sometimes confrontation is hard but I know if something is wrong in my relationship with Christ or Anna she would let me know. I love that she has the ability to love others through her honesty with them. I like that she likes giraffes and that she has an ability to love like Jesus loves. I love her personality because it is different from mine and that keeps things fresh and exciting. Living life with her has been such a treat and I am happy to call her one of my best friends. She is definitely someone I can trust. She has always been by my side even when I tend to make mistakes. Anna is so loyal and I am so thankful for our friendship.
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Hi friends,
This is not going to be a nice post or even a good post for that matter. There are things that need to be told that cannot be explained or determined. There are things that are dirty, unknown, secret even. There are things in my life that are dark. damaged. broken. hurt. Friends, there are many things in this world I do not understand and one of those things is love. I don't know what it means to be loved. I don't know what it means to love. I don't want love, so I push it away. I, my friends, am sinful and dark. I don't want it to be this way, no. I want to feel love. I want to experience love. There has been something dark in my spirit for awhile now and I'm NOT going to let it take hold of me. I am done going along with what other people want me to be. My obligations have hurt those I love. Whether I know I love them or not that is not the point. The point is I have lost many people in my life both to death and to lack of love. I think it is easier to push people away than let them in. Which is 100% true. It is easier to push people away, but the real question is why do it? Do I really want to push all of these people away? I don't really think so. I am hurt. I am broken. I am sinful. I am ashamed. I am dark. Through brokenness I somehow can find a light. God has shown me great things and I will never cease to be amazed by His glory. We are called to love and sometimes I forget that. I would rather be doing my own thing than loving others. A lot of people have told me that I have a great ability to love people but do I really? In place of love I feel it is easiest to ignore those who love you than to love them back so unconditionally like God loved us. Again, yes all of that is easier but I do not want to become the person who is unable to experience love or give it. So friends, which do you choose, love or darkness? Yes, I am all of those things previously mentioned, but I do know a few things that I also am. I am God's daughter. I am beautiful, inside and out. I am respectable. I am a follower of Jesus. I am me. I have learned many things this week, that are hurtful, hard, gross, and many other things. As the devil has been instructing these past few weeks and pulling me in the wrong direction, God has astonishingly been pulling right back. I imagine God's heart is broken for the the holes I have dug. I cannot imagine how after all I have done that God can still love me so much. I am dirty and sinful and yet God will still love me unconditionally. This love is not just any love it is a love more powerful than a thousand armies, it is a love more beautiful than Mila Kunis, it is a love that is breathtaking. My mistakes keep on coming and God says to me, "Cassie, you are precious to Me and I will never let go of you." This week has been especially eye opening, I have seen that I am very selfish. That word is not something I want to classify myself as but hey it is so truthful and yes I may be a bit hard on myself sometimes but I speak truth. In my sin I have dug a huge hole into the earth that is allowing me to be closer to the devil than ever. This frightens me. I have been struggling and unsure why at this point. I have been putting my needs above others I love and being bitter towards many. I have gossiped and been awfully selfish. I am hurt. I am ashamed. One thing I do know through all of these struggles I have experienced is that I am done throwing myself a "pity party". After just two short days of thinking of what friends have told me and sincere prayer opportunities, I am intently searching for God. It is dark in my head and I cannot quick picture God at this time but I know He is there waiting for me. God has shown me that I don't have to let the devil pull me into his dark pit of hell, there is another way, a great way. God's way is magical, astonishing, beautiful, prosperous, awakening, musical, and so loving. I choose God. I do not choose shame or pride. I choose God. "You call me out above the waters The great unknown where feet may fail. And there I find you in the mystery In Oceans deep My faith will stand" - Oceans by Hillsong This beauty is Emily. She has been my best friend since 9th grade and I am so blessed to have her as a friend. She and I have shared some good memories as well as bad ones. We have laughed together and cried together. A little more than a month ago I got to spend three days with this wonderful woman who got married November 2nd. Man oh man, she is gorgeous! Her personality is also super beautiful. I am so excited for her marriage, and I hope her husband, John, and her love each other forever and ever. They are a wonderful couple and it brought me pure joy that I got to see their love for each other. The wedding was beautiful and a lot of tears were shed by me. I know it is lame but I could not stop crying! It was a magnificent day and I am so happy John and Emily get to spend their lives together. I am also happy I get to be a part of it. Something I have loved every since I have been three years old is dance. Dance is a way to release built up energy and channel that energy into something beautiful. I enjoyed dancing my whole life; dance has caused some major problems along the way though. I am sad to say dance has not always been my passion especially during my junior year of high school. The pressure was on to make the Varsity team once again because I had not made the Varsity team for three years in a row. Some background knowledge of the Faribault Emeralds Dance Team (FEDT), the team I danced for, is that typically you dance on Junior Varsity for 2 years then move up to Varsity. Well that was not the case for me, I danced four years on JV and that was super discouraging. All I wanted my whole life, at that point in my life, was to dance on the FEDT! That was all I wanted every year when I tried out then faced another huge disappointment. It sadden me that I could not make the team. As all my friends in dance were moving up to Varsity I was staying back but the relationships with the younger girls I made were so heart warming. These relationships with girls who were years younger than me became so great that we were almost inseparable. I knew these ladies looked up to me as well so I had to be a good role model. These girls kept me trying for Varsity, it was something I really wanted to accomplish, so I did just that. I am in love with performing and that has been a challenge to accomplish at college, sure I could have tried out for the dance team at school but I didn't and I am not quite sure why. I guess I have always felt like I would never be good enough. This is something I struggle with in life as well. I face many problems with insecurity and I don't really know why. I feel insecure at times which can lead to emotional downfall. It has been a patchy couple of weeks in my faith as well and I am unsure why. I have been asking myself how I can grow closer to God before winter break approaches and yet I am pulling away. It has been a big challenge but I know God's glory will reign. God is a powerful God and what I have been feeling as of late will cease and my struggles will fade, with time of course. Something I learned about dance is striving for what you want in life. I did finally make the Varsity dance team after years of trying out. All I ever did was try my hardest and sometimes it wasn't good enough but then other times it was definitely good enough. I danced on the FEDT for two years and I wouldn't change those two years for anything. Dance has taught me to never give up on my dreams even if they take awhile to fulfill. Amy, is a true treasure. Only after two and half short years of her being both my mentor and friend she has taught me so much about God and his existence in our world. It has been a blessing having her present in my life and I would not give her conversations for anything in this world. Amy has opened up her ears to listen to everything that is happening in my life to help understand common struggles I am facing. This lady has been blunt with me and sincere. She will never lie to me when I am in the wrong and she has helped me to see who I am as an individual as well. Amy has an ability to love me and others with such sincerity that it is astonishing. I am ultimately blessed to have her in my life. I enjoy spending time with her, laughing with her, and living life with her. She is not afraid to tell it like it is and I am so grateful for that. Hello friends,
I have had such a fantastic weekend. First I took my roommate to Minnesota for the first time (she lives in Wisconsin). Then I had a Christmas party for Intervaristy Christian Fellowship leaders, that was such a blessing. I have never had so many laughs in my a long while. It was just absolutely wonderful. Here are some candid photos from the Christmas party. God Bless, Cassie Some things that I am finding out about myself are that I am kind of a teachers pet. This can and cannot be a good thing. Another thing about myself is that I am a huge procrastinator, like bad. I am sincere in my studies and relationships but some things I cannot get done to save my life. Right now I am facing a ginormous challenge in my life and that is my Gate 1 portfolio. What is a Gate 1 portfolio you ask? Oh goodie, I will tell you. The Gate 1 Portfolio is a huge writing assignment with 11 different Wisconsin Teaching Standards. Basically, I, as an Education Major, have to write up all of these standards and how I met them as a prospective teacher. It is a lot of work and it is due tomorrow to the education department. Oh man. The kicker of this assignment is that you need a perfect 23/23 to move on in the education program, again I say OH MAN! I am trying so hard to get all of it done it is ridiculous. I am excited though because it is one step closer to my end goal, becoming a Math teacher! YES! These hard situations have made me realize that God really does have my back in all of this. If it weren't for God in my life I don't think I would be able to do all of things that I have done. So I praise God that He has saved me from a life full of hopelessness. Without my Lord and savior I wouldn't be so studious, even if I do procrastinate like nobodies business, God still has faith in me to get everything done. A thing I adore is a fresh snowfall. I have grown to love the fluffy white stuff, call me insane. This beautiful fluffy white snow that falls down from the sky above just makes my heart sing. The moments when I am feeling most bright are on Christmas morning when there is snow as far as the eye can see and the sun is still shining. This moment, friends, when I am cuddled up in a blanket spending time with family is one of my favorite times of year. Sometimes snow can be yucky and that is true; I don't particularly like it when snow soaks through my shoes then is all squishy when I walk but it's moments like the ones above that make me happy. The white snow that buries the brown grass symbolizes new life to me. I think everyone has an opportunity for new life and to think of that in hard times. Sometimes we need God to wipe the slate clean and lay a blanket of new snow to start fresh.
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Let us Seek the Grandest Adventures Together my Friend.
I heard the roar of the lion of Judah Archives
June 2017
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