This year I am thankful! I am thankful, every year, but this year is different. I am thankful for starting conversations with people. I have had ample opportunities in the past to have more in-depth conversations about faith but never took them. I never dove into what I was being called into. I never talked to my family about Jesus openly. I was uncomfortable with talking to anyone really about my experiences or who I am. I had a ton of opportunities to talk to my family about what I have been doing with my faith in college and I never took them. Well, friends, I took them yesterday during Thanksgiving. I realized that it is never too late for someone to hear the love of Christ. My family has been so good to me. I am so thankful for them. Yesterday, I heard many words of encouragement from my relatives regarding my half marathon, school accomplishments, and this blog (which I didn't even know my family members read)! I think it is so cool that my family encourages me to do what I love! They congratulate me in my accomplishments and I never really realized that before I guess. I never really thought my family cared what I did, but oh do they. They care so much for me! That makes me so thankful. Even my brother who I have had a broken relationship with lately has been curious about my life. I love him so much and I am so thankful for his curiosity in my life because I am no longer afraid to share!
I'm thankful. So thankful for everything God continues to bless me with. He is the ruler of my life and that my friends is something to be thankful for!
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Smooth.
Creamy. Fatty. Yellow. Soft. Dreamy. Light. Salty. Tasty. Thinking of my friend Dan, from home, always saying "butter" for everything. Sums up my day I think. My day went smoothly. I ate tasty pasta in Davies. I had a presentation today that went pretty decent. I feel awake. I had good conversations with people. It was just a real butter day. Hope your's was too, friend. love you. Sometimes, I feel as if people on the outside looking in view us as perfect. They think because we look all put together on the outside, that must simply mean, we are put together on the inside. My friends, let me tell you how wrong this truly is. There is so much people do not see that causes hurt and heartache in one's life that we are very unaware of. We don't see everything on the inside when looking at the outside. We just don't. People even see me as perfect or that I look like I have everything put together. I simply do not, though. My life is very messy. Sometimes I make these messes on my own, and dig my own holes and try to fight my own battles. In all honesty though, I am far from perfect. I am just as broken and damaged as the next guy and that my friends is what makes me and you and all of us, human. I have battled with my inner emotions a lot recently. Dealing with crud in my life that I don't want to face, so I push it aside. Someone told me today how strong I am, but my friends, I am weak. I fall to my knees in the presence of Jesus especially. I just don't understand how a God who is simply perfection would love little ol' me. I am very undeserving of such love, but He gives it anyway.
I think something that has been sitting with me lately is how much we need to care for our community. We need to care in all different kinds of ways and part of that caring is realizing that none of us are perfect. There was and is only one perfect being in this world and that is Jesus Christ. Jesus came down from His perfect solitude in Heaven next to His Father so He could be with us. How cool is that, oh man! The moments when I realize I am imperfect are hard, to say the least. For some reason, I feel like I have to be fine or measure up to everyone else's expectations of me. This, my friends, is just not a reality. How can I be fine all the time? The answer is, I can't. The truth is we will never measure up. We will never be perfect. But, the good news is, we don't have to be. Ha, that title doe. I have felt a lot of moments this week where I have questioned both my faith and my worth in life. I have felt really unworthy. Suckish, I know. I don't even know why. I just have told myself the past couple weeks who could love me. What a negative attitude. I needed support from my community, though, so I prayed for a soft heart, that would feel the Father's love. I just couldn't. I just couldn't feel the love of my Father for some reason. I kept trying and I kept seeking it. I dove into scripture and quiet times with my Lord but nothing. Why, was this? I didn't know until I finally knew truth, as weird as that sounds. Sometimes, we're not loved by people we love and sometimes we don't love people that love us. This concept seemed so insignificant to me until I felt it a couple of weeks ago. I felt really unloved and unwanted. I felt worthless. After many confusing nights battling with my emotions I took a step back and realized I needed to confront my demons. I needed clarity and truth. I needed my Father. I didn't know where to look for Him after feeling very unworthy of anyone's love. Until, I had breakfast with my good friend TJ who spoke truth to me, I presume directly from the Father, honestly. He said to me, after I was wallowing in my self pity, "Cassie, you know who does like you a whole lot?" I, of course said, "Who?" He says, "Jesus, that's who!" Man is He so right. I had been so consumed with feeling unloved by people around me and feeling ignored that I didn't even think about who loved me first, and continues to love me every stinkin' day no matter how much I mess up. Jesus gave everything to love me. When I came to terms with this, yet again, this week, I realized that I have so much worth in the Lord and I can feel that divine love every single day. What a blessing that is, to know His love is so unconditional.
Jesus answers prayers. I prayed for sense of belonging, He gave me Towers North. I prayed for peace He gave me patience. I prayed for Leah and Hunter to commit their lives to Christ and be all in and they did just that. I know God is real, He answers prayers. If He doesn't say "yes", He says, "not yet" or "I have something better in mind". He is teaching me how to love and what it means to be loved. I love that. I love that God loves me even when I am being a butt. He loves me when I am at my worst and that's why I want to be all in with Jesus. I want to push myself and stretch myself in areas that are necessary and step back in areas where God needs to take place. Who wouldn't want to be real with a God that sent His only Son to come down from a perfect place just to be with me everyday. Who wouldn't want a God that loves me so unconditionally that I cannot even fathom it. I want to be all in with God, because He is so all in with me. He continues to reveal Himself to me, so why should I hide any longer. I am His, and He is mine. What more could you want? No, this life following Christ is not easy, but it is who I am now and there's no turning back. I really like this song; take a listen and know that you are loved by the Lord, always. "I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back." |
Let us Seek the Grandest Adventures Together my Friend.
I heard the roar of the lion of Judah Archives
June 2017
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