Something I've been struggling with lately is my appearance. I know, so much, in my heart that I am beautiful and God has created me so divinely in His image that there was and is not one flaw in the way He created me. Or anyone else for that matter. Lately, though, I've been really self aware of what I look like. I look in the mirror and don't really see a "gorgeous" person. I look at myself and don't see something beautiful. That is so difficult to come to terms with. That I don't really find myself attractive - with or without makeup. Dressed up or in sweats. I guess I've never really thought of myself as an attractive woman. Just an average, simple looking, woman. What a horrible thing to think about myself. Or anyone else. To think of ourselves as simple or ordinary when God created us extraordinary.
So what do I do about it? How do I value my self worth and look in the mirror every day pleased to see this face? The one that God breathed life into and knit in my mothers womb. Well, it's not easy that's for sure. I've struggled with my self image a lot over the years. From when I was 5' 1" and chunky to now weighing almost as much as my dad and an average height. These features are a reality but they are not an ugly reality. I guess I have always thought of myself as nothing more than average. Man it pisses me off saying that out loud. How upset do you think God is when His children think of themselves as average. I get infuriated sometimes thinking of my middle school girls at youth group who talk about how others middle school girls have told them to kill themselves. That they have no value. That they are worthless. That they are ugly. Well, let me freaking tell you my friends - you have value, you have worth, you are beautiful and so am I. I think the best thing we, as women and men of Christ alike, can do for ourselves is to lift others up. When I hear my middle schoolers talk about their looks and how they feel ugly, all I do is try to lift them up. Tell them they are so darn beautiful - which is NOT me just saying that to make them feel better. I truly with my whole heart believe that. Even when they think they are just average looking, I look at them and see something so beautiful. I imagine that is how people see me as well. It is so easy to think that people see us as we see ourselves but I really don't think that's true. Like one time at InterVarsity's Cross Training I stood up and spoke about how much Jesus had put on my heart the opportunity to lead a bible study and live in the dorms even though it was hard and I know my words, then and there, were from God and Leah said I radiated with such beauty she has never seen a more attractive person, in that moment. She really viewed me as attractive! Wow! That's such a hard thing to admit. I am attractive. To many people and few. By the way I worship Jesus. That is what makes me attractive folks. People want to know Jesus, even if they don't know it yet. This verse is such proof of the beauty that lies within us - as followers. 1 Peter 3:3-4 "Our beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." This verse is one of those statements you can 'take to the bank' theoretically speaking. I am proud of who I am and I am excited to really become more of whom I'm supposed to be. I want to radiated with Christ so that I look in the mirror and know how beautiful God made me. These things may not happen over night but let us remind each other of our beauty today folks. There is nothing like the uniqueness of human kind; all woven in a womb and designed in God's image.
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June 2017
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