God has given me so many great opportunities this summer. It has been such a life giving summer and I am on a life high well that was until tonight. I have had ample opportunities this summer to tell people how much they mean to me and I haven't done it, and I leave for school tomorrow and I really hope I didn't miss my chance. I guess I just shy away sometimes and assume they will tell me first then it will be "acceptable" for me to tell them how I feel. I'm realizing more and more how bad I am with feelings and letting others know exactly how I feel. It is really important to me that I wear my heart on my sleeve because that has been something I have been known to do in my life but recently I haven't been showing enough of my feelings that are there. I guess I am afraid of being rejected because I have been rejected countless times and hurt by a lot of people. I don't want to feel alone. I know what I'm feeling at this moment, which is something I haven't always been able to say. I know how I feel so shouldn't I just say it.
God, why do I feel so weak in your presence. When I know something is good in my life, I always push it away. Why, oh why, do I constantly push away things that make me happy and bring me joy?
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June 2017
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