I want so badly to rejoice in that Jesus Christ has been born this year but I find myself not being very cheery. I don't want to be joyful. I hate that. Holidays have always been hard for my family since my grandpa left us 15 years ago. Now, that we are older they are filled with drinking and eating and Jesus seems so absent in all of it. I don't like that. I've tried so hard this past year to be 100% committed to my Father God and I've done well but even today I have struggled. I have missed the real meaning of Christmas. I think most individuals do. They focus on the worldly view of what Christmas should be and forget the whole purpose of Christmas. I think that is why I get so bogged down by the hussle and bustle of what Christmas should mean. I want to do Christmas better this year but I feel like it is too late. How do I go about being jolly when there is so much destruction going on in the world, my family, and my city?
I suppose I need to rely on God more than ever during this time. So that I may feel the joy of the season. Hardships will always be upon us. We need to seek out the good to overcome them.
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June 2017
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